I recently decided to quit my job and head to Vancouver island to attempt soul searching and “figure my shit out”.  So far its been a bit of a mess, but a great amount of realisations and understandings.

I always used to think of myself as the black sheep of the family. Maybe I am, but I now know its totally OK.  My twin sister, who is vibrant, confident, and effortlessly beautiful just got married.  My older sister, she too is an incredibly beautiful with a caring soul.  She seems to really have the family life put together.  With two kids, a husband, cats, dogs and lizards, a full time job, plus cooking & cleaning, she is seriously Super Woman.  I admire them both greatly.
I on the other hand, have been living in the same apartment of a busy city for the past 6 years, and am working a pretty dead end job.  Sure it pays the bills, but I find it degrading and unfulfilling.  Time for change then, right?
I see so many people around me progressing and moving forward.  It makes me feel guilty that I really have not succeeded in much.  Sure, I went to school and have taken classes, but am I utilising that now? No.  Why? Because I do not believe in myself.    I know that its not that I don’t lack the qualities to do the things that I am passionate about or inspired by, its that I do not believe in myself to do so.  I see myself working with the body, or kids, ideally young girls who struggle to love and care for themselves.  It is so important.  It is something that I have yet to accomplish, and until I do so fully, then hopefully I will be able to inspire others to do that for themselves.

So what is in between?  What can I do now to fulfil areas of interest, to feel satisfied and fulfilled? and to progress in my future?  How does one practice self-love on a daily basis?  Easy? Yes, so  some degree.  But it takes practice, patience, and a hell of a lot of love and support.  You WILL have bad days, and really bad days, as I continue to learn.  But as the days go on, slowly you will begin to realise what is really important, and the small areas of yourself that you should be working on.  You do not need to put everything on halt to figure out what you need, which is kind of what I did.  For me in was necessary as I needed to learn that. And that is OK.  It is OKAY to make mistakes because you will LEARN from them.  Its OK to fall down and cry, and to be alone, and to get angry.  As long as you know that with every breakdown is a breakthrough, you will be okay.

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